(mis)Adventures in the Windy City

2008-05-16T00:14:00.001-05:00

my deferral request for minnesota law school has been granted! that means 3/4 of the next four years of my life have been figured out. oh my.

it will be chilly. thats a fact. but i'm excited.

2008-04-19T22:26:00.002-05:00

So much to say. But I can't seem to put it into words.

so much going on: passover. visit to minneapolis. israel next year? work getting crazy. springtime! lots of visits from lots of people. opening up and getting settled in chicago, just in time to leave.

2008-03-19T19:07:00.002-05:00

I just went through a bunch of my old livejournal posts from the beginning of college. All I have to say is, I've come a long long way, and i've still got more growing to do.

Life is hectic, but i'm excited because:

parentals here this weekend
DC next weekend
Noa and Zai (?) the weekend after.

yay!

for everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

2008-03-09T15:39:00.000-05:00

i'm scared.

of the jewish path i'm on. of having to make a decision about where i'm going and what kind of jew i want to be. i feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. on the one hand, i feel like i have one hand tied behind my back, that i can't push myself further, can't take aliyahs, or learn to lead services, or read torah in the environment that i want to be in. on the other hand, i believe myself to be authentically jewish and completely jewish. i used to get angry when people would suggest it. doing this would be some sort of acknowledgement that maybe i'm not. i feel that i am just feeding the fire that i so desperately want to put out in the jewish community.

i'm scared.

that i'm taking risks simply to avoid facing reality. i don't know what i'm doing next year. i don't know if i should go to law school now or later. i feel like i need a plan, a course, a reason to do what i want to do.

2008-02-16T22:46:00.002-06:00

Law school acceptances are coming in.

its weird, because i don't want to go next year, and will likely defer. but its flattering and interesting nonetheless.

so far, in at tulane (with some scholarship $$) and minnesota.

yay fast turnaround.

2008-02-10T22:01:00.000-06:00

i hate windchill. weather.com tells me that it is currently 0 degrees outside, with a windchill of -19 degrees. grossness. although (and i was having this discussion earlier today) everytime i go out in this kind of weather, I psych myself out to the point that when i go outside i'm like, oh its not actually as cold as i thought it would be. apparently this is a really crappy winter. yay!

'twas a lovely, although rather uneventful weekend this weekend. february is just a gross month in general so i'm looking forward to it being over.

also: obama sweep this weekend whee.

2008-02-07T22:39:00.000-06:00

What I want to do with my life:

1) Change the world
2) fall in love (with someone who is willing to make it work)
3) explore the entirety of the United States

Seriously.

I have started getting really interested in the idea of community building, particularly within the Jewish community, and particularly how it relates to social change and effecting change. I'm interested in ways in which the Jewish community can be deepened and start acting on important local political issues as opposed to simply sticking with the israel issue or acting on global social justice issues (also important, but i'm a believer in think globally, act locally and change starts at home) I would love to make transforming the somewhat stagnant jewish community from within a part of my life. Although it is a potential for a career, i think this sort of work will stay as a part of my civic life.

I'm pretty sure I still want to go to law school. I think that i want to do social change law - by that i mean work on poverty law or housing law or immigration law and try to affect systemic legal change. not one of the more lucrative legal careers and i'll bet one of the more competitive, so we'll see.

its weird to have this kind of clarity.

2008-02-06T20:46:00.000-06:00

I would like to reiterate: I don't hate Hillary. Not in the least. I believe she would make a fine president. I was even a Hillary supporter in the way early days of her campaign.

But I don't see her as right for me, or for america at this moment in time. I believe in Obama for reason's i can't even begin to explain - reasons having to do with feelings in my gut and in my heart and in my soul.

We had an interesting discussion today at work about how Obama uses organizer-speak. he talks about the power of many, about believing in yourself. Them's fighting words. and they speak to an inherent belief that people have power.

While i know at the end of the day, super tuesday didn't change much, i have an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I am disappointed and saddened by the California results. I believe Californians are better than that. i understand in my head why people would vote for Clinton. But my heart doesn't get it. My heart says, don't people realize their own potential, and the potential that exists for America? I am sick and tired of people not willing to take a risk to make things better in their own lives, and that extends far beyond politics. I want to shake people and say 'i believe in you, what is stopping you from believing in yourself?'

2008-02-03T23:30:00.000-06:00

By the way, I realized the other day that i know what I want to do with my life, as crazy/insane as that might be. I shall go into more detail at a later date, or feel free to ask me about it...

chicago from the sky, on our way to baltimore (credit: jess)

2008-02-03T23:20:00.000-06:00

Every so often, I question my support for Obama. I wonder if i'm too quick to make a judgement, if i shouldn't be putting more emphasis on experience or on issue specifics. And then it hit me. Supporting Obama is taking a risk. A risk that says, I haven't seen the future yet, but I know this nation can be better. I know this world can be better. But to get there takes a gamble. A vote for Hilary is a vote for the Democrats status quo. We'd be ok with a Hilary presidency (much better than we are now, thats for sure) but we as a country wouldn't be moving forward. We'd be stuck in a partisan muck for who knows how long. But it would be ok. For me, Obama is about the possibility of moving beyond that. About redefining america itself. Changing the way we look at the rest of the world, and ourselves. And yes, its a risk. And yes, we might fail. But we'll never know our true potential unless we take that chance. Shoot for the moon, land among the stars.

Si se puede. Yes we can.

Electability

2007-12-18T23:04:00.001-06:00

Closing in on the '08 presidential primaries, I don't think there is a word in the English language that i currently hate more than electability. So often I hear people say, oh I like so and so a lot, but he just isn't electable. And i cringe. Not because I don't think electability matters, because it does. But it should never be your only criterion for picking a candidate for everything. because you know what? electable candidates are boring. They are your John Kerrys and your Phil Angelides's. They don't inspire people, or make people give up weeks of their life to get them elected, unsolicited. What the Democratic party needs is not some generic democrat spouting slightly left of center views, but someone who will ignite and inspire the base. The progressives who are sick and tired of being promised change, the college students who used to be optimistic but hate beltway politics, the abortion rights activists who can only ever be tepidly hopeful for the future of Roe v. Wade.

Who is that candidate? i don't know. for me, its Barack Obama. for my father, its Hilary Clinton. for my mom - well shes not sure yet. All i know, is that i believe this primary season should be about who inspires you. who makes you want to be a better person and a better citizen of the united states of america - not about who you think could beat a nameless republican. (i believe this should be the case on the republican side too) this race should be a race about passions, about leadership, and courage, and who we can trust, as a country, to make the right decisions at the right time. not who is best positioned to beat the other side. that will lead us right into a bitter partisan fight that i don't believe this country can withstand or deserves, to be frank. November 2008 is about change, plain and simple.

Identifying with Judaism

2007-11-18T23:36:00.000-06:00

I have spent quite a bit of time in the past month or so thinking about how I identify with Judaism, what my issues are (there are lots), what I believe, and what the best way for me to observe Judaism is. While i currently have no real answers, and am still sorting through the giant maze that is the Jewish religion and the Jewish people, it wasn't until this past weekend on our retreat that I realized there was a completely different question I hadn't even thought of before: Why do I identify with Judaism?

This question strikes me as essential in understanding where a person is coming from as a jew, because fundamentally, it is important to understand why a person at their core believes what they do or acts in the way they do, especially when it comes to their religious faith. My suspicion is that a good number of Jews identify as Jews solely beause of blood - they were born into it, and that means they are Jewish, no questions asked. But if the Jewish community is to survive, is that enough? Can that sustain generations of Jews? With the rate of intermarriage as high as it is (and therefore a diffusion of blood-identification with being Jewish), what can be done to connect people with a deeper, more involved understanding of Judaism as a religion?

On an upswing.

2007-10-26T14:37:00.000-05:00

I am finally starting to feel a bit settled here, which is a relief. I think thats due to a couple of factors and things kind of just falling into place a little bit.

1) Work. I actually feel like I kind of know what i'm doing/ supposed to be doing here, which is a relief. I've finally started to develop relationships with people, which is the bread and butter of what i do here. I'm starting to figure out what direction i think things should be going in. I made some breakthroughs on and completed (sort of) the research I was doing.

2) Socially. I've been busier and I'm starting to really explore the city. I've maybe even been making friends. Its amazing how much effort it takes, but for me, its almost necessary.

3) Religiously. I've been getting more into the rhythm of going to services every week, and trying out new places. Its been grounding me and helping me to find a home in Chicago, and thats good I think.

4) Life back in cali. Working really hard (and semi-succeeding) at only caring about what I want to care about, and not getting bogged down by nonsense.

5) Traveling. LA next weekend, Philly for Thanksgiving, home around christmas -time, new mexico for new years. Its all very exciting! :)

2007-10-12T15:48:00.000-05:00

Its been a crazy week, personally, socially, professionally, even weatherwise. I've been busy with everything from work to avodah to social engagements and through it all, somewhat numb to the world. I've stopped crying. I can't even get myself to cry. me. The girl who wears her emotions on her sleeve.

On another note, check out http://www.iamemilyx.blogspot.com/. The more I hear, the more I see, the more I find myself paying attention to the fight around abortion rights in this country, the more I get disgusted with the activist pro-life crowd. Have some dignity - we don't have as many choices as we should in our lives. Don't deny any more than we absolutely have to.

Closing my heart

2007-10-07T14:38:00.000-05:00

Every time i put my heart out on the line, open it up just a little bit, someone, somewhere figures out a way to poke it in just the right places, making me wonder why i ever opened up to begin with.

Maybe its time to close up shop.

Law School

2007-10-04T19:03:00.000-05:00

Perhaps this lack of drive to get these applications done is a sign. A sign I don't actually want to go to Law School next year. Or maybe its just procrastination at its finest. On the off chance its the latter, I suppose I should force myself to get these things done.

I don't look before i leap.

2007-09-30T19:54:00.000-05:00

I think that my eyes are bigger than my heart. That may sound weird, or silly, so let me explain. I take risks that I really shouldn't - not the good getting the guts up to talk to a boy kind, but the crazy life altering kind. For example, moving to Chicago. I got it in my head that I needed to leave California and somehow I end up in a city that gets really freaking cold in the winter where i know not one soul. In my head this works. I should be trying new things, experiencing new places and meeting new people. And all this gets me very excited, it really does. But the loneliness that comes along with it, especially right now at the beginning, is just more than I can handle sometimes. I know that this is where I'm supposed to be at this point in my life - but could it be a little less hard? Just a smidgen?

Public Transportation

2007-09-27T22:00:00.000-05:00

Man, its fun. Today waiting for the #36 Broadway Bus I was sitting at the bus stop with an older woman and two girls I presumed to be hers. The girls were a prime example of polar opposites. One was very clean cut and seemed most intent on being a 'good girl' and pleasing her mother (grandmother?). This often led to reprimanding the other girl, who was very slovenly looking and seemed to march to the beat of her own drum, maintaining a distance from her mother and sister (?). Neither girl looked to be more than 7 years old. I ended up sitting across from them on the bus, and watched a variety of events unfold as they attempted to find seats on a very crowded bus. The mother definitely had lost patience for both girls and was letting them run wild on the bus, in exchange for some much needed shut-eye, much to the chagrin of the other passengers, and yet for a lot of them, it was just another day on the bus.

At the same time, the girl next to me on the bus was recounting to her friend a very recent break-up and how she was feeling about all of that, which of course triggered some very powerful emotions in me as I struggled not to eavesdrop. Her friend obviously was struggling with how to comfort her, and took the alternate route of simply gossiping about other friends as opposed to comforting in any way.

All the while a dissheveled looking homeless man is looming over me, looking obviously perturbed about the little girls running around, and at the same time rolling a joint which I seriously thought he might light on the bus.

I'm (probably) buying a bike tomorrow.

A final thought for today.

2007-09-25T23:09:00.000-05:00

This blows my mind. Few issues get me as riled up as the issue of choice. I believe that life begins at conception, and for that reason, I doubt that I would make the decision to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. At the same time, who am I to deny anyone else the right to make their own determination and their own choice in the matter? Its their body, not mine. The anti-abortion movement baffles me.

I hope that the city of Aurora wakes up soon and lets Planned Parenthood open their doors.

for more information:
http://ppaurora.blogspot.com/

The Weather

2007-09-25T22:33:00.000-05:00

I realized this weekend that one of the most striking (and outwardly apparent) differences between California, espeically my home town in the Bay Area, and Chicago (and DC for that matter) is the weather. I went home over the weekend, and the temperature was a predictable 60 - 65 degrees farenheit with a slight crispness in the air that meant fall was coming. In contrast, the weather in Chicago hit 90 degrees farenheit yesterday, we experienced thunderstorms this afternoon, and 8 days ago it was probably 50 degrees out.

I'm looking forward to winter already (not.)

Welcome

2007-09-25T22:08:00.001-05:00

This is my attempt to move away from the livejournal of my high school and college years and into the 'grown-up' world of blogging. New city, new surroundings, new job, new blog. I think that makes sense, don't you?

A brief introduction. I moved to Chicago a month ago to start my first real person job as part of AVODAH, the Jewish Service Corps, having graduated with degrees in Political Science and Linguistics/Anthropology, both useful for absoutely nothing in the real world. I am living with 6 other post-college young adults, all doing anti-poverty work in the city of Chicago. I am working as an organizer for the Lakeview Action Coalition, a community based coalition of 40 churches, synagogues, non profits and businesses in the Chicago neighborhood of Lakeview, located on the Northside.

I'm not the most eloquent of writers, so I hope you, the occasional reader (if you exist) will bear with me.